


Reverse Psychology

by jucee



Category: Bleach
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-02
Updated: 2012-06-02
Packaged: 2017-11-06 14:41:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/420038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jucee/pseuds/jucee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Summer is the season of ice-cream and emotional manipulation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Reverse Psychology

“It’s hot,” Yachiru whines, and wriggles in sweaty discomfort. She sighs when she receives no response at all, blowing a gust of warm air against Zaraki’s neck.

Zaraki resists the urge to wriggle in sweaty discomfort too, and continues to ignore the small body clinging to his shoulder as he scrawls a large black X at the bottom of Ikkaku’s latest report (three hollows slaughtered on the outskirts of Shinjuku, fuku-taichou’s morning exercise completed without casualties or injuries, that useless bastard Aramaki should be demoted and assigned to another squadron where he can be just as useless but at least out of Ikkaku’s sight, blah blah blah). Zaraki always signs with an X, and usually doesn’t even bother to read the report before doing so. This leads to him being summoned before old man Yama at least twice a month, and it would probably be even more often if Ikkaku didn’t do both his own and Yachiru’s share of the paperwork.

“Neee, Ken-chan,” Yachiru sings, and kicks her legs against his back. “Guess what?”

Again, Zaraki doesn’t reply; he’s too busy squinting at the red ink on the thick parchment before him, trying to make out the fancy squiggly characters (discovered a spectacularly hideous hollow while patrolling Harajuku for the latest fashions, killed it all too easily before it could attack a cute young man in very tight black jeans, and the ink is _crimson_ , taichou, not red). Zaraki snorts in disgust, scrawls a big X on the page, and smiles when he notices that he’s ruined the flowery border Yumichika had drawn around the edges; it isn’t a particularly nice smile, but then none of his smiles are.

“Ken-chan, _guess_!” Yachiru demands, this time thumping her small and very strong fist against his shoulder for emphasis.

Zaraki finally gives in and turns his head around to look at her, because she can be incredibly annoying when she gets all pouty; and besides, he’s read enough reports (and signed even more) to last him the rest of the week at least. “ _What?_ ” he growls.

Yachiru pouts at him, then whines, “It’s hot.”

Zaraki resists the urge to pound his head very hard against the desk (the last time he did this, he split the desk right down the middle, and had to work on the floor for the two weeks it took for him to get a new one). He takes a deep breath, releases it, then asks through clenched teeth, “And what the hell d’ya expect me to do about it, huh?”

She considers the question for all of three seconds, then exclaims, “Buy me an ice-cream!”

“I don’t wanna buy no fuckin’ ice-creams,” he mutters, and shrugs the shoulder that Yachiru is perched on, as if trying to shake her off; she barely even notices the movement. “Go bug Yumichika ‘bout it or somethin’.”

“But Freaky Eyebrow Girly Man is out somewhere,” Yachiru says, her pout growing even bigger. “He’s prolly gone to kill somethin’, and he didn’t even ask me to come along!”

“Yeah, he’s a stingy bastard,” Zaraki grunts in agreement.

Then Yachiru suddenly perks up. “But Tou-chan isn’t a stingy bastard! He’ll buy me an ice-cream for sure so I’m gonna go ask him now bye Ken-chan!” she says happily, and launches off Zaraki’s shoulder.

He grabs her by the back of her hakama before she can clear the breadth of the desk, and when she turns back to look at him questioningly, dangling from his hand in mid-air, Zaraki scowls fiercely at her. “Who the fuck is Tou-chan?”

“Tou-chan is Tou-chan!” she answers, beaming and utterly impervious to Zaraki’s rather terrifying expression. “He buys me candy and stuff ‘cause he prolly gets lotsa pocket money from Big Boobies and he never smiles but he’s reeeally nice to me and I like candy!”

Zaraki’s expression grows even darker, and his grip on Yachiru’s hakama tightens as thoughts race through his mind of all the candy ‘Tou-chan’ might be buying for Yachiru with his considerable salary as a captain. Then his mind turns to more pleasant thoughts, involving him and Hitsugaya in a small room filled with dismembered body parts, and he’s somewhat calmer when he tells her, “I’ll buy you a fuckin’ ice-cream, ‘kay? So don’t go acceptin’ no candy from little punk-ass perverts like him no more.”

“Waiii!” Yachiru cheers, her arms shooting up into the air with glee. “Ken-chan’s the best!”

Zaraki just grunts.

Minutes later, he finds himself walking out of the Eleventh Division headquarters and into the stifling afternoon heat, with Yachiru still dangling happily from his hand, and he doesn’t really know why.


End file.
